nothing happens in a straight line

Maybe it's an illusion I have that things should just naturally and continually progress in a certain direction - set a goal, work towards it, achieve it. But I should know from using my own experiences as an example that it is not always like that. Or rather that it's rarely like that. One step forward, two steps back, as they say.

So, I had one goal, but now it's becoming a bit fuzzy. I still want to go to New Zealand, and possibly this year, but now there are so many options that my head is starting to spin, and I'm a bit overwhelmed with trying to make a decision. But I will, it's just a matter of figuring out whether I still want to do a cycling tour (I can get a discount through Pedaltours since my friends know someone who works there!) but I need to decide between the different types of tours offered in December 2010 and Jan. - March 2011. On one hand, it's still great weather there, better than in October, and it will give me more time to save money, get in shape, etc. So, maybe it's a good thing.

Yeah, that getting in shape thing. Monday was the first of four "ride with power" classes at 6am. I actually made it, was awake & coherent (coffee on the drive to NW) and had an awesome workout, the kind where except for the last sprint I was like "wow that wasn't too hard!" So maybe I am getting stronger. I have felt pretty good on my last few rides, but those rides didn't include much in the way of climbing. This Saturday should be interesting. I'll be thinking of Mr. G and how "when the road turned up, he grinned" which I am sure will help me to turn the pedals a bit easier. I will ride for all those who are not here, or are not able to.

It was great getting to work early on Monday, and leaving the office at a decent hour (before dark). What I should have done was drive out to PIR to watch STCX (short track) racing, but what I did instead was my usual pattern - go home, eat, then park myself on the couch to read, and go to bed early. The next day - got up at my usual time. Lame. I was really hoping to start a new "getting up early" pattern. I mean, it's bright outside by 6am - I can't sleep when it's light out. Today I woke up before my alarm went off! But then it's set for 7:00....guess I should move that to 6am.

Today I'm concerned about people - my mom, who isn't feeling well, my sister, who is stressed about preparing to move to a better place to live, my friend Jennifer, who was involved in an accident today, and other friends who have various challenges. All of these concerns I have, combined with the images constantly landing in my email inbox from various organizations - save the polar bears, wolves, abused animals, the oil-covered birds in the gulf - sometimes it's just too much. I don't want to look away, but I cannot afford to donate to every cause. I can, however, be there for my family, and for my friends. I just wish there was more that I could do. I feel like such a hypocrite with the amount of driving that I do and how evident it is from the Gulf oil disaster that we need to reduce our dependence on oil. I do need to cut down on driving (hello, summer bike commuting weather!)

So that's why I feel like there are no straight lines. I'm all over the place... maybe some forward progress here and there, but nothing major. Still, it's all good and there is much to be happy about and grateful for. Now I need to go home and mow the lawn. And it won't be in straight lines.