New perspective

So finally, a non-grief-related post. You can all (wait, does anybody read this?) breathe a collective sigh of relief and say "it's about time". I know.

In reality, grief never *totally* leaves you, it just takes different forms, and it comes in waves. It's when you are between those waves that you are better able to remember the good things, and to be grateful and live in the moment. This is one of those times. "...and the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life." - Dean Koontz

This morning as I got ready for work, I asked myself some questions:

- what will I do today to reach my goals?

- what will I do today to improve my health & fitness?

- what will I do today to help others?

- how can I save money today?

- how can I improve my attitude?

This will be my new framework for feeling good about the world. Set goals, then break them into tiny daily tasks, and I will derive a sense of satisfaction each time I check something off the list. So, the key is not to get overwhelmed with large goals, not knowing where to start, getting all caught up with over-analysis and indecision, which is what's been my modus operandi over the past few years. Enough of that. I'd rather break things down into smaller steps, get organized, have one centralized list, and work off of that. I can feel like I've accomplished something each day in the major areas of my life that I am working to change.

Which areas are those, you ask? Because you know, everyone thinks I've got life all figured out. Not.

I suppose I should have it all figured out by this age, right? Not even close.

Why? I have regrets. I limited myself in the past by not considering other options. Why have I always thought I needed to own a house, mow the lawn, have a full-time job to pay the bills? Aren't there other choices? Is that really the way I want to live, or is it just "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got" or however the saying goes.

Maybe it's turning 50 that has changed my perspective, who knows, but now I'm thinking life is too short to sit around and wonder what to do.

My goals? Well, I need to put them into more specific terms, but I want to regain the fitness I had last year. I want to lose the weight I gained over the winter. I need to get back into resistance training on a regular basis.

I would like to figure out where I want to live and make some progress towards making decisions about that. Sell the house, buy (or rent?) something that allows me to save money each month towards paying off debt & buying a car, instead of spending the majority of my income on mortgage/taxes/insurance/credit cards.

I would very much like to get into a position where the time I spend each day is doing something I really enjoy. The job I've had for the last 5 years, well, let's just say it doesn't provide me with things I enjoy - intellectual stimulation, learning new things, collaboration with peers, and challenging my skills. And it's not as simple as "send the resume out and network". I do that, have been doing that. Changing into a completely different area is a challenge, not impossible, but challenging, and I am working towards gaining experience and knowledge in areas that I am interested in.

So that's this week's report. Over and out.