Laws of nature

The birds are nesting again in the eaves of my house. Each year they do this, and they always leave straw and bird poop scattered around. This year, another effect of the nesting - they drive my cat insane. He watches them from the windowsill and makes pointless attempts to get at them through the glass. He climbs up on the blinds, waking me up. He talks to them. It makes me feel badly for keeping him indoors as he is such a good hunter. But staying indoors guarantees him a healthier life, which I'm reminded by whenever I hear cars go speeding down the (25mph speed limit) street. Plus, the birds get to live. Just so they can poop all over my siding and driveway.

Now it's two.

Not long ago I posted about two people I knew who were battling cancer. Janet Eaton passed away on March 15. Les Sarnoff, well known DJ on KINK radio in Portland for 30years, lost his battle with cancer on April 17th. This is very sad news. A person you listen to on the radio isn't just a voice - Les represented so many things about my life in Portland over the past 15 years. He was active in the community, passionate about music, and always optimistic and smiling. His reassuring voice on morning radio even made it easier to wake up when the alarm went off. I met Les a few times at various events, including the Oregon Humane Society telethon which he worked at for many years. I am listening to the radio today and hearing people share their memories of Les, and it is making me realize that he wasn't just an on-air personality - the voice on the radio was really him. He really was a positive, energetic, optimistic person, according to the people who worked with him. This is a rare thing. It came across clearly in the recent article about Les and his battle with cancer in the Oregonian - just two weeks ago.

My plan is to remember these people we have lost, and to make an effort to incorporate their best characteristics into my life. I admired Janet for her amazing ability to describe the beautiful place where she lived, for her storytelling talent, and for how passionate she was about things she felt strongly about. She wasn't a spectator - she was an active participant - she got involved.

And I know I'm not the only one who was soothed by Les' voice, even when he was talking about 9/11, traffic or bad weather, somehow he made it sound not so bad, like everything would be alright. I want to be more positive, more optimistic. I want to be thought of as compassionate, genuine, and optimistic. And mostly, I envy Les for being able to do what he loved for a living.

Maybe it's silly to be affected by the death of someone I didn't even know - but I listen to the radio a lot. It's usually on in the car if I can't find a cd or am not in the mood for NPR. I leave the radio on at home whlie I'm gone, so it's not so quiet when I get home. When you listen that much, the voices and personalities become familiar, like friends. So I have lost another friend. Portland has lost a dear friend.

On people and pets.

I just can't believe that someone wouldn't want me to stop and pet their dog. I guess I should have asked? Still - the dog was tied to a tree. I can't resist a cute puppy, even if the owner is an ass.

So I'm driving home and keep seeing people in the neighborhood walking their dogs. Each time I see this, I smile and then feel sad. I realized it's been 3 months today since Morrison died.

Lastnight I finally gathered the courage to scoop some of his and Roxanne's ashes into ziploc bags to send to Jennifer so she can have a pendant made for me. Then I put more of Morrison's in 3 different bags so I can do what I did with Roxanne's. I will scatter them in the yard, in the park, on the beach, and on some of his favorite hiking trails. I guess some people would find it odd but since I never had children, these 2 dogs were the only family I've ever had.

Sunday's Perfect Ski.

It was raining in Portland, pouring on I-84. Rounded the curvy road up Highway 35 and saw blue sky. It was blowing gusty winds at the snowpark, but quiet in the trees on the trail we were skiing. We saw only 2 people and a dog. Couldn't find the trail off the main one through the trees but followed a few tracks. Snow was deep and powdered-sugary. Slope was gradual, just enough so that I could glide a bit and on the way back up, got my heart rate up a bit. We heard the road and found the end of the trail so we did an out-and-back, but it is definitely one of my favorites of the season.

one month to go.

Time ticks away and the big numbers 5-0 are looming. I can deal with it. I don't believe them anyway. If those numbers mean I have to feel old, act old, and be old, well, it's not gonna happen. I will be defiant. I will not act my age.

With so many things happening in the world, people fighting cancer, planes crashing in Montana and Japan, and the economy in crisis, a "milestone" birthday seems quite insignificant. But the fact that my friends are willing to celebrate with me is a pretty big deal. I am excited about that, it will be fun.

Things I miss.

It just occurred to me, on this rainy day during which I have only ventured outside to get the newspaper, that since my dog passed away, I haven't walked in my neighborhood at all. Not once. Maybe one time to the mailbox, and it felt strange, like I should be holding something, like a leash. I really miss walking in the park, seeing people with their dogs, greeting them with good morning. People have suggested that I continue walking anyway without my dog, but it seems strange.

I also miss looking over by the fireplace to see him on his bed, resting comfortably. I had put the bed out in the garage, but ended up putting it back because that place in front of the fireplace looked so bare. The cat likes to sleep there now.

I miss being greeted when I come home - not the kind where I find "surprises" left for me to clean up in the garage, but the jumping-around-tail-wagging kind of greeting. Now that I have a cat, he greets me by walking around and then purrs when I pick him up. I suppose that will suffice for now.

Laugh of the day

I am so glad I read the newspaper, otherwise I would have missed this!