Well overdue rant

So, it's been a while. I find that even when things happen or something upsets me, I can talk about it to a few friends, but sometimes I still feel this need to vent. Here I can do that in a somewhat anonymous way without distractions, interruptions, and just get it all out without any concern to how it's interpreted. So here goes. I'm filled with anger. It's so big that I'm afraid if I tap into it, just the tinest bit, I might snap. Okay, well maybe not that bad, like I don't need to be committed or restrained or medicated or anything. I just feel this low-grade burning sensation in my gut. I'm kind of tired of it and I want to get rid of it. Because it is like the whiny little kid who always feels left out, stepped on, unnoticed, unloved, doesn't fit in, you know, that kind of thing. I'm not even thinking this through, just pounding the keys here. What I want to do is have a good cry, the kind where you can just let go with huge sobs and throw in a few wails of "why does this keep happening to me?" Why am I so angry? You may be wondering. It's not really any major life-altering event, it's just the feeling I have of being tired. As one friend put it today, "more happy shit, less bullshit", which sums it up well - I am tired of bullshit happening and would love to have more happy shit going on. Like the kid I described who always feels left out, out of place or doesn't fit in, I feel like the last person picked for the team. It's not even like I know I want to play - I'd just like to be included, or given the chance to play. What the hell am I talking about? I don't even know. Lately I keep telling people that it seems like everyone else has the "happily ever after". I don't even know if I want that for myself, but you know, it's what all the cool kids have. Spouses, great careers, loving families. I don't have that. Is that enough to justify the anger? I don't know. Maybe. Not really. But lately this other "bullshit" type stuff keeps happening - like my car window being smashed & things stolen from my car, and obscene graffiti being painted on my fence - that leaves me feeling like a victim. I'm a good person. I try to be considerate of others, to be kind and generous. I even come to a complete stop at stop signs, put shopping carts back where they belong, and I don't litter. I give to charities. I take stray cats to the vet. I give people gifts when it's not even Christmas or birthdays. So why the shitty karma? Who knows. I keep trying to put good thoughts out into the universe and avoid the "why me?" mentality. I hate when my sister talks about a shitstorm or a shitcloud or whatever it is, and consider each incident as separate, random and unrelated. Because that's what they are - just stupid mindless uncaring people doing stupid things - they just happen to be targeting me for some reason. But, whatever. It's a waste of time to try and figure out why people do what they do. In the grand scheme of things, it's all minor, trivial, petty crap. In reality, it's not all that bad. I mean, I try to remember every day to think of all the things I am grateful for. I'm healthy. I have a good paying job. I have medical insurance. I own a home. I have an amazing cat. I have some exceptionally wonderful friends. I have family members in another state who will listen and sympathize when I need it. I am grateful for what I have. What else could I possibly want?