Change of scenery

Driving home from Astoria yesterday, I impulsively turned on Hwy 47 and chose to take that route to Hwy 26 instead of taking Hwy 30 all the way to Portland. It was actually kind of an adventure, a twisty, turny, middle-of-nowhere road where there isn't much to see but I found it to be just what I needed. It was growing too dark to see colors, but I knew the trees were pretty. At one point, a deer bounded across the road, thankfully far enough ahead of my car to allow me time to slow down & watch as it easily cleared the fence on the other side the road and continued on its way. I also may or may not have seen an elk, but didn't turn around to investigate. It was dark enough to require the use of the high beams, which were politely switched off each time I saw the lights of an approaching car. No radio signal so I listened to a cd. It probably took longer for me to go home that way, but I didn't mind. I was in no hurry.

My sister recently drove my mother & her care nurse to San Diego to stay at her apartment for a few days. We both thought the change of scenery would do mom some good. As is typically the case, nothing ever turns out exactly as planned. Driving takes longer than anticipated, plans for activity are too exhausting to mom to be carried out, and three people in an apartment, cooking, sharing one bathroom and watching TV is not the ideal situation. I try to help however I can - I call, read and respond to her venting emails, offer support. But I am just here, with a completely different set of scenery.

I was thinking as I turned onto Hwy 47 that it seemed to be the "road less traveled", but it was just spontaneous. Anyway it got me thinking about how I approach things so much differently. My mother is one to take the safe, familiar, easy (well-lit) path, whereas I am more out for adventure and trying something new, at least in comparison. I think this is about hoping that she will choose to sell her house and move to San Diego, which is basically the reason for the trip. But when I talk to her, she seems less than enthused. I tell my sister it's okay to hope, but unrealistic as well. In fact it's best to have no expectations, for as I was told years ago, "expectations are just resentments under construction". (wow). Our mom is very set in her ways. But my sister is about at the end of her rope when it comes to patience, and having to stay at my mom's house for over a month was not exactly a fun time for her. Yet she is entirely capable of it, and takes on the responsibilities, gets mom to her appointments, shops & prepares meals, organizes everything, handles the finances, and ensures mom is receiving proper care. It's really difficult to imagine taking on all of that, I don't think I would be capable of it, certainly not for that long. Yet she does it - and I am constantly reminding her to take care of herself. She has her own physical limitations, and would much rather be at home in her own place, but she is sacrificing a lot to take care of mom. It's kind of a waiting game - and I try to be supportive by calling them both, reminding my mom that my sister is doing the best she can, reminding my sister that our mother is not capable of behaving up to my sister's expectations. So, it's best to be realistic.

Maybe me taking that turn was my attempt to get lost in the maze of dark & twisty roads, to be unreachable by cell phone, to disappear for a little while. Yet here I am, hundreds of miles away, living with a cat (sometimes 2) in my own house, going to work, the gym, to visit friends, to ride my bike, free to come and go as I please. I do not take this for granted.

Things will work out as they are meant to. In the meantime, I am here.