Compassion

Boy does it teach you about compassion when you see one of your parents in ill health. When my father was in a coma in 1993, that was my focus as I sat in the hospital waiting room reading from the AA book and medical information about his condition that I obtained from the hospital library (this was before Google). It helped me to see the clinical side of things. That approach is helpful now too with having my sister fill me in on all the updates from physical therapists, nurses, doctors, etc.

We are supposed to love our parents, and it's expected that as we age, we will inevitably have to care for them. It was expected that we'd get a call about my mom one day, as we knew she was not healthy and was not taking good care of herself. Sure enough, my sister showed up to visit on Sept. 22 to find my mother on the floor, where she'd been for 2 days after falling and breaking her shoulder. Thank god my sister called 911 right away. I am grateful that my sister arrived when she did, especially since the doctors told her that our mother was badly dehydrated, malnourished and likely would not have lasted another day. She saved our mother's life.

Our mother spent time in the hospital on a heart monitor after a heart attack, and also developed pneumonia. She was too weak to walk. I arrived on Sept. 28, and on Oct. 2, we brought her home. She had been in the hospital since Sept. 22.

It's difficult to see my mother unable to care for herself. She is only 75, and I know there are people her age who ride bikes, run marathons, even finish Ironman triathlons. But my mom is not like that. She has a disease, one she did not choose to have. The same one that claimed my father's life. My hope is that she can gain her strength back and that she will want to recover. For now, she is not smoking and not drinking as per doctor's orders + 24 hour nursing care at home. But we know there is only so much we can do. Addictions are powerful things.

I am just grateful that she is still around. I just called and talked to her - she is in good spirits, having sat out in the backyard for a while today, and is watching one of her favorite cooking shows. After a few minutes she tells me "I'm giving the phone to your sister, I'm tired of talking to you." I know she is just kidding, and respond with "well I love you too, mom." And I mean it. For all her faults, I do. That is my compassion, and unconditional love, for my mother.